Ask a Pastor Column

Q: I have heard people say “I can forgive but I never forget.” Does forgiving require forgetting about the hurt also?

A: I don’t think that it’s possible for us to forget about sin in the modern sense of the word. Painful and traumatic events burn a strong “memory tag” in our brains. Our bodies and brains want us to remain mindful of that hurtful situation so we don’t repeat it in the future! People who have been hurt by sin will carry the scars and the memory of what happened. Being told to “forgive and forget” often just reinforces the pain memory response if we don’t understand the biblical meaning of the word! There’s a difference between how we commonly think of forgetting, and how the word is used in scripture, particularly the Old Testament.

In the Old Testament, the words “forget” and “remember” involve a sense of will, action and decision that isn’t present in our modern usage. For example, when we examine the moment in Exodus when God decides to free his enslaved people, we read this: “God heard their groaning, and God remembered His covenant… and God acknowledged them.” (Exodus 2:24-25). This doesn’t mean that God is absent-minded! It means that God set the suffering of His people at the forefront of His mind and He was going to do something about it! Every time in scripture we’re told that God remembered, it always introduces an action (Genesis 30:22; 1 Samuel 1:19; etc.).

The word “forget” in the Old Testament conveys a similar but opposite meaning. When God tells Israel in Jeremiah 31:34 “their sin I will remember no more,” it means that the sins Israel committed will no longer affect the relationship. He is taking sin off the table and as far as He is concerned, it’s like the sin never happened.

Notice also in Jeremiah 31:34 that forgiving and forgetting (in the biblical sense) are synonyms; they mean the same thing. We don’t have to think that the sin never happened, we just have to act like it never happened. Forgiveness is a conscious choice to take the occurrence of that sin away from the relationship. By forgiving, we let go of bitterness and any right to retribution; entrusting the situation to God. And we commit to treating the person as though they never committed that sin. This conscious choice opens the door to a process of healing. And, as the pain of the sin is resolved by that healing process, we often find that the memory itself begins to naturally fade in importance. So forgiving involves forgetting in the biblical sense, and forgiving leads to forgetting in the natural or modern sense.

———

You can now order a set of Ask a Pastor articles in book format. Search for “Ask a Pastor by Daniel Waide” on Amazon or your preferred book sales outlet to place your order. If you need help placing an order, you can contact us at [email protected]