Ask a Pastor Column

Q: I’m having a hard time relating to my grandchildren. I don’t understand their problems and can’t seem to help them. What can I do?

A: It does seem like the generational gaps are widening in our culture. As changes in our culture accelerate, it can be harder and harder to keep up, particularly because we keep slowing down! The reality is that, as we age, more effort is required to keep pace with our children or grandchildren. As one who has spent a significant amount of time with the youth of this generation, I think I can offer some biblical principles that I’ve found to remain true and relevant. I hope you find it helpful.

The first fact I’ve found is that young people still love to be listened to. James 1:19 encourages all of us to “be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” When I’m around children, I like to let them talk about whatever their interests are. It may be about tractors and cows, or it may be about dragons and Pokémon. You never know what they’ll come up with! But they like to share their interests with grown-ups who listen to them. Be willing to ask questions; if you don’t know what they’re talking about, let them teach you about it! Even if you never figure it out, they will still appreciate you trying. I have found that, over time, the youngsters that I listen to become more and more willing to listen to me.

Another trick that still holds true is to celebrate their values and their victories (Romans 12:15; Philippians 4:8). All children have challenges they are facing and overcoming in their life, and winning a peewee baseball game or struggling with fractions may be as significant a challenge for them as our battles and struggles are for us. Yes their struggles and battles are smaller, but then; so are they!

One more thought is to remember to appreciate our children for who they are. On several occasions Jesus pointed to children as models for us grown-ups to learn from (Matthew 18:4; Mark 10:15; Luke 18:17). We are encouraged to have the humility, heart and faith of a child. Jesus also charged His followers to be considerate of children as those who are weak and easily overlooked (Matthew 18:5, 10; Luke 9:48)

Being around young people is a tremendous blessing. They bring such a fun and fresh perspective to our lives and remind us of the simpler lessons of life. These are things we can always value and appreciate about them regardless of their generation.

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